Year In Review: 2008

By Loc

We saw some movies this year! Whoo hoo. Yeah, it’s time for a review in the year of, or more appropriately, a Year In Review! Every year we have some laughs, some tears, and most importantly, we spend some time together reminiscing of the year that was. We remember the good, we downplay the bad, and we let go of all that could have been, cause it hurts so much to know we made those horrible mistakes, the decisions that haunt our dreams and discolor our waking moments. The times when the wrong choice was more than a statement, it was a miserable experience that left nothing but emptiness and darkness in a vast abyss of nothingness. Oh the despair!

Moving on, as is customary, let’s take a look at the numbers. Of the top 10 movies, BMF witnessed a healthy 7, impressive in the blockbuster department. Stuff like The Dark Knight, Iron Man, and WALL-E were must-sees this summer season. Others that were seen, even if bad for the soul, included Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Hancock, and Quantum of Solace. And sneaking in as an above-average flick, Kung Fu Panda cracked the top 10.

For the top 20 movies, there was a bit of a BMF drop off. We checked in with 12, hovering at 60% with The Incredible Hulk, Wanted, and Tropic Thunder. Again others ended up making money and making our brains hurt at the same time: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and Get Smart.

Overall, BMF sat in the theaters a grand total of 22 times, averaging one movie every two-and-a-half weeks. Not too bad, as that was close to years in the past. Except for last year, when we had the Summer Blockbuster Contest and we saw 22 movies in the summer weeks alone. But a couple movies per month isn’t too shabby. Some of the flicks that didn’t make boatloads of money but entertained nonetheless included: Role Models, Burn After Reading, and Slumdog Millionaire. Others that were a waste of time and money included Speed Racer and 21. And let’s not forget, The Wrestler squeaked in there with a pre-2009 viewing.

Some flicks that came out but will be lost in the abyss of “too late for last year and not eligible for 09” will be Benjamin Button, Milk, and some other Oscar flicks we won’t know about until they get nominated. Oh well, thems the breaks. On to the awards!

The We’re Screwed Cause You Saw That Stupid Movie Award: 27 Dresses

I would venture a guess that some actors don’t really act, they’re just playing themselves for all to see. Exhibit A: Michael Cera. He’s a goofy, awkward dude who plays…a goofy, awkward dude in…every single thing he’s in! Exhibit B: Katherine Heigl. She plays a semi-aloof, well-meaning but annoying, self-deluded, “empowered” woman. Behind the scenes on her TV show, she’s been portrayed as a…well-meaning, annoying, semi-aloof, self-deluded actor who demands better writing for her character. So she gets to have sex with a ghost now. Which is funny, but a bad omen, because, she’s also been relatively successful on the big-screen with Knocked Up and now with 27 Dresses. And that means we get more of that “empowered” star in our faces. Good job, all of you! I blame you, a lot.

The Robin Williams Successor Award: Step Brothers

Seriously, I guess the man-child act never gets old. And in this day and age, why settle for one when you can double the man-child quotient in one sitting? I give you Will Ferrel and John C Reily. And we all get a little dumber in the process.

The What the Hell Award: Beverly Hills Chihuahua

This movie was number one at the box office…for multiple weeks…I blame you again. People, it’s called taste, you should look into getting some.

The I Knew You Wouldn’t Let Me Down Award: Seven Pounds

Will, Willy, Willy-boy, you came through like a champ! Sure, you almost turned a corner with Hitch and I Am Legend. But I knew you’d come back stronger than ever, with a stupid, self-important role that showcases nothing. And you delivered, thank you sir. Your return to vapid stupidity warms my heart just a little bit. Quick PSA to the readers: if your head weights anywhere close to seven pounds, you won’t want to see this flick.

The ClusterF That Knew It Was A ClusterF Award: Burn After Reading

Hell, there’s a line in the movie where J. Jonah Jameson says exactly that: “this is a clusterf*ck”. It was mildly entertaining, but when you boil it down, it’s two hours of a random messes that intersect. If I’m gonna have random intersections, there better be racist bastards like Crash or dumb federal agents who say “Good job Javi-A” like Traffic. Otherwise, don’t waste my time with “quirky” comedy that really isn’t all that funny.

The There’s More Than Apatow Award: Role Models

Thank you Paul Rudd and Stiffler for delivering R-rated comedy that didn’t involve full-frontal male nudity and barely-funny jokes. Role Models was a kick in the pants, a straight-up foul-mouthed comedy that had the tiniest semblance of heart to make you feel OK about laughing at nut-punches and kids swearing. It’s good to know that I’m a decent person after seeing this.

The MTV Promo Might Be Better Than The Flick Award: Tropic Thunder
(2:45 in the clip above)

Don’t get me wrong, Tropic Thunder was pretty damn funny. Hats off to Robert Downey Jr, cause he was damn funny. And the fake trailers at the beginning were high-larious. But if you want to see some good stuff, I mean really funny stuff, take a look at the MTV awards promo for this flick. Robert Downey is awesome in the smallest nuances and Stiller makes a go at some funny lines.

The Are You Seriously Killing Another Franchise Award: Indiana Jones 4

Look, George Lucas goes and says, hey, I don’t care what people will say, they’ll always be negative, I know cause I experienced it after Star Wars. Memo to George, the “people” are negative cause you made shitty-ass movies! Shitty! Shit! And now you throw Indy in a lead refrigerator to escape a nuclear blast? Really? I don’t care if you’re making a family adventure, Shia swinging on vines like Tarzan is stupid. And it looked horrible too! You suck.

The Worst Movie of the Year:

I feel like I’ve been negative. But really, I’m only getting negative here. There’s a couple contenders for the coveted award. Narnia was really bad, but the random bear scenes made it laughably good. That bear steals the show, and you should rent it just to hear how stupid it sounds. Speed Racer was really bad and I was giving it all the benefit of the doubt. It’s the damn Wachowski Brothers for crying out loud, The Matrix minds! But Speed was horrid, with dizzying graphics and a plot that led to nothing. Mariocart is infinitely more entertaining.

Ah, but the worst movie of the year goes to 21. Who would think that a flick about gaming the system and taking down Vegas could be so horrible? First, you have Kevin Spacey acting like an asshole the whole flick, even though he’s supposed to be the cool-guy mentor. Then you have the lead guy acting like a whiny bitch, and he’s the protagonist? The worst was the time dilation, where you weren’t sure if the flick was supposed to be a period piece where dressing up like an stupid cowboy could trick Vegas computers, but then the kids are busy Googling crap and rolling into the newest casinos on the strip. I mean, you’re really gonna hide your money in the ceiling of your dorm room? And you’re surprised when it gets stolen?? I know kids show more initiative in hiding their porn than you did in stashing hundreds of thousands of dollars. Idiots.

OK, maybe I have been negative. On to the good stuff. Who made the cut for the best films of the year?

Number 3: WALL-E

I do love the Pixar and WALL-E was a ballsy flick. You start a kid-friendly movie with 45 minutes of nothing but silence and robot chirps? And you still pull off a stunningly engaging flick with heart and soul? Always awesome, Pixar delivered the goods with WALL-E. The environment-friendly message was a hammer on the head, much to the chagrin of many people watching. I didn’t mind it as much as the use of real people in the video sequences. Real people!? No, you’re a Pixar flick, only CGI is allowed. Nonetheless, this was a good flick.

Number 2: Iron Man

Kudos to John Favreau and Robert Downey Jr for making Iron Man a kick-ass comic flick. As we moved into the mainstream comic book movies, stuff like X-Men and Batman Begins told us that grounded-in-reality meant joylessness. But Iron Man took the mold and cut a different pattern. Fun and whimsy, but grounded in our reality, Iron Man remade a star out of Robert Downey Jr, who chewed up this role without hesitation. And even cooler, it set the stage for a true comic universe on the silver screen. Get ready for Captain America, Thor, and the Hulk to intersect with each other, eventually leading to an all-star comic caper in The Avengers. It’s a fanboy’s wet dream, and now it’s yours as well.

Number 1: The Dark Knight

Simply the best movie of the year. This was entertaining, thrilling, well-acted, big-budget goodness. Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan took the foundation from Batman Begins and cranked the amp to 11. Why? Cause 11 is more than 10 dammit. Everything fit well, the characters were brooding in a good way, and the weightiness to the action stemmed directly from caring about the characters. But really, the biggest hat goes to Heath Leger and his amazing take on the Joker. Look, when Jack took the character in 1989, that was cool beans. It was like answering the question: how would a primetime actor make that goofy TV show rendition into something awesome. The answer was Jack, onscreen with all the pomp and pizzazz needed. So when early word leaked out about how good Heath was, skepticism was the only recourse. Really, how much different can you make the joker? Uh, apparently a lot. Heath destroyed this role and made the Joker into a menacing tour-de-force. He stole every scene, manhandled it, spit it out, and kicked it to the curb. He was awesome, the movie was awesome, it was the perfect evolution of Batman onscreen. I recently saw it on DVD and while it was good, it wasn’t as grand. So if you missed it in the theaters, you really need to rent a movie-house and check it out. Cause this is a flick that needs to be seen in a way that only 50 feet of silver screen can deliver. It’s great!

And that’s all I have for you. This was a year of extremes, really good flicks and movies you wish you could kick in the pants. Surprisingly, the best flicks were also some of the best performing ones. And for that, I commend Hollywood on making good films for the masses. Enjoy and see you soon.