Year In Review: 2008

By Loc

We saw some movies this year! Whoo hoo. Yeah, it’s time for a review in the year of, or more appropriately, a Year In Review! Every year we have some laughs, some tears, and most importantly, we spend some time together reminiscing of the year that was. We remember the good, we downplay the bad, and we let go of all that could have been, cause it hurts so much to know we made those horrible mistakes, the decisions that haunt our dreams and discolor our waking moments. The times when the wrong choice was more than a statement, it was a miserable experience that left nothing but emptiness and darkness in a vast abyss of nothingness. Oh the despair!

Moving on, as is customary, let’s take a look at the numbers. Of the top 10 movies, BMF witnessed a healthy 7, impressive in the blockbuster department. Stuff like The Dark Knight, Iron Man, and WALL-E were must-sees this summer season. Others that were seen, even if bad for the soul, included Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Hancock, and Quantum of Solace. And sneaking in as an above-average flick, Kung Fu Panda cracked the top 10.

For the top 20 movies, there was a bit of a BMF drop off. We checked in with 12, hovering at 60% with The Incredible Hulk, Wanted, and Tropic Thunder. Again others ended up making money and making our brains hurt at the same time: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and Get Smart.

Overall, BMF sat in the theaters a grand total of 22 times, averaging one movie every two-and-a-half weeks. Not too bad, as that was close to years in the past. Except for last year, when we had the Summer Blockbuster Contest and we saw 22 movies in the summer weeks alone. But a couple movies per month isn’t too shabby. Some of the flicks that didn’t make boatloads of money but entertained nonetheless included: Role Models, Burn After Reading, and Slumdog Millionaire. Others that were a waste of time and money included Speed Racer and 21. And let’s not forget, The Wrestler squeaked in there with a pre-2009 viewing.

Some flicks that came out but will be lost in the abyss of “too late for last year and not eligible for 09” will be Benjamin Button, Milk, and some other Oscar flicks we won’t know about until they get nominated. Oh well, thems the breaks. On to the awards!

The We’re Screwed Cause You Saw That Stupid Movie Award: 27 Dresses

I would venture a guess that some actors don’t really act, they’re just playing themselves for all to see. Exhibit A: Michael Cera. He’s a goofy, awkward dude who plays…a goofy, awkward dude in…every single thing he’s in! Exhibit B: Katherine Heigl. She plays a semi-aloof, well-meaning but annoying, self-deluded, “empowered” woman. Behind the scenes on her TV show, she’s been portrayed as a…well-meaning, annoying, semi-aloof, self-deluded actor who demands better writing for her character. So she gets to have sex with a ghost now. Which is funny, but a bad omen, because, she’s also been relatively successful on the big-screen with Knocked Up and now with 27 Dresses. And that means we get more of that “empowered” star in our faces. Good job, all of you! I blame you, a lot.

The Robin Williams Successor Award: Step Brothers

Seriously, I guess the man-child act never gets old. And in this day and age, why settle for one when you can double the man-child quotient in one sitting? I give you Will Ferrel and John C Reily. And we all get a little dumber in the process.

The What the Hell Award: Beverly Hills Chihuahua

This movie was number one at the box office…for multiple weeks…I blame you again. People, it’s called taste, you should look into getting some.

The I Knew You Wouldn’t Let Me Down Award: Seven Pounds

Will, Willy, Willy-boy, you came through like a champ! Sure, you almost turned a corner with Hitch and I Am Legend. But I knew you’d come back stronger than ever, with a stupid, self-important role that showcases nothing. And you delivered, thank you sir. Your return to vapid stupidity warms my heart just a little bit. Quick PSA to the readers: if your head weights anywhere close to seven pounds, you won’t want to see this flick.

The ClusterF That Knew It Was A ClusterF Award: Burn After Reading

Hell, there’s a line in the movie where J. Jonah Jameson says exactly that: “this is a clusterf*ck”. It was mildly entertaining, but when you boil it down, it’s two hours of a random messes that intersect. If I’m gonna have random intersections, there better be racist bastards like Crash or dumb federal agents who say “Good job Javi-A” like Traffic. Otherwise, don’t waste my time with “quirky” comedy that really isn’t all that funny.

The There’s More Than Apatow Award: Role Models

Thank you Paul Rudd and Stiffler for delivering R-rated comedy that didn’t involve full-frontal male nudity and barely-funny jokes. Role Models was a kick in the pants, a straight-up foul-mouthed comedy that had the tiniest semblance of heart to make you feel OK about laughing at nut-punches and kids swearing. It’s good to know that I’m a decent person after seeing this.

The MTV Promo Might Be Better Than The Flick Award: Tropic Thunder
(2:45 in the clip above)

Don’t get me wrong, Tropic Thunder was pretty damn funny. Hats off to Robert Downey Jr, cause he was damn funny. And the fake trailers at the beginning were high-larious. But if you want to see some good stuff, I mean really funny stuff, take a look at the MTV awards promo for this flick. Robert Downey is awesome in the smallest nuances and Stiller makes a go at some funny lines.

The Are You Seriously Killing Another Franchise Award: Indiana Jones 4

Look, George Lucas goes and says, hey, I don’t care what people will say, they’ll always be negative, I know cause I experienced it after Star Wars. Memo to George, the “people” are negative cause you made shitty-ass movies! Shitty! Shit! And now you throw Indy in a lead refrigerator to escape a nuclear blast? Really? I don’t care if you’re making a family adventure, Shia swinging on vines like Tarzan is stupid. And it looked horrible too! You suck.

The Worst Movie of the Year:

I feel like I’ve been negative. But really, I’m only getting negative here. There’s a couple contenders for the coveted award. Narnia was really bad, but the random bear scenes made it laughably good. That bear steals the show, and you should rent it just to hear how stupid it sounds. Speed Racer was really bad and I was giving it all the benefit of the doubt. It’s the damn Wachowski Brothers for crying out loud, The Matrix minds! But Speed was horrid, with dizzying graphics and a plot that led to nothing. Mariocart is infinitely more entertaining.

Ah, but the worst movie of the year goes to 21. Who would think that a flick about gaming the system and taking down Vegas could be so horrible? First, you have Kevin Spacey acting like an asshole the whole flick, even though he’s supposed to be the cool-guy mentor. Then you have the lead guy acting like a whiny bitch, and he’s the protagonist? The worst was the time dilation, where you weren’t sure if the flick was supposed to be a period piece where dressing up like an stupid cowboy could trick Vegas computers, but then the kids are busy Googling crap and rolling into the newest casinos on the strip. I mean, you’re really gonna hide your money in the ceiling of your dorm room? And you’re surprised when it gets stolen?? I know kids show more initiative in hiding their porn than you did in stashing hundreds of thousands of dollars. Idiots.

OK, maybe I have been negative. On to the good stuff. Who made the cut for the best films of the year?

Number 3: WALL-E

I do love the Pixar and WALL-E was a ballsy flick. You start a kid-friendly movie with 45 minutes of nothing but silence and robot chirps? And you still pull off a stunningly engaging flick with heart and soul? Always awesome, Pixar delivered the goods with WALL-E. The environment-friendly message was a hammer on the head, much to the chagrin of many people watching. I didn’t mind it as much as the use of real people in the video sequences. Real people!? No, you’re a Pixar flick, only CGI is allowed. Nonetheless, this was a good flick.

Number 2: Iron Man

Kudos to John Favreau and Robert Downey Jr for making Iron Man a kick-ass comic flick. As we moved into the mainstream comic book movies, stuff like X-Men and Batman Begins told us that grounded-in-reality meant joylessness. But Iron Man took the mold and cut a different pattern. Fun and whimsy, but grounded in our reality, Iron Man remade a star out of Robert Downey Jr, who chewed up this role without hesitation. And even cooler, it set the stage for a true comic universe on the silver screen. Get ready for Captain America, Thor, and the Hulk to intersect with each other, eventually leading to an all-star comic caper in The Avengers. It’s a fanboy’s wet dream, and now it’s yours as well.

Number 1: The Dark Knight

Simply the best movie of the year. This was entertaining, thrilling, well-acted, big-budget goodness. Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan took the foundation from Batman Begins and cranked the amp to 11. Why? Cause 11 is more than 10 dammit. Everything fit well, the characters were brooding in a good way, and the weightiness to the action stemmed directly from caring about the characters. But really, the biggest hat goes to Heath Leger and his amazing take on the Joker. Look, when Jack took the character in 1989, that was cool beans. It was like answering the question: how would a primetime actor make that goofy TV show rendition into something awesome. The answer was Jack, onscreen with all the pomp and pizzazz needed. So when early word leaked out about how good Heath was, skepticism was the only recourse. Really, how much different can you make the joker? Uh, apparently a lot. Heath destroyed this role and made the Joker into a menacing tour-de-force. He stole every scene, manhandled it, spit it out, and kicked it to the curb. He was awesome, the movie was awesome, it was the perfect evolution of Batman onscreen. I recently saw it on DVD and while it was good, it wasn’t as grand. So if you missed it in the theaters, you really need to rent a movie-house and check it out. Cause this is a flick that needs to be seen in a way that only 50 feet of silver screen can deliver. It’s great!

And that’s all I have for you. This was a year of extremes, really good flicks and movies you wish you could kick in the pants. Surprisingly, the best flicks were also some of the best performing ones. And for that, I commend Hollywood on making good films for the masses. Enjoy and see you soon.

Year In Review: 2007

By Loc

Yes, it’s a little late, but at least it’s here. A 2007 Year In Review arriving well into the 2008 calendar year is worth it when you see exactly what transpired in the last 12 months. Are you ready? Here we go.

Let’s break it down by the numbers first. In 2007, the BMF gang made a serious, concerted effort to be with the people. We wanted to reinforce our goal in being the People’s Movie Reviewer, and that meant seeing the movies that we all had to see.

Thus, in the greatest top ten showing to date, BMF sat along with you in 9 out of the top 10 grossing movies. These included Spider-Man 3, Harry Potter 5, Transformers and The Bourne Ultimatum. In fact, BMF saw the top 9 grossing movies and only missed out on the number 10 flick, Wild Hogs, which probably isn’t missing out at all.

The percentage drops when we look at the top 20 flicks. BMF caught a total of 14 flicks, meaning we skipped out the likes of Bee Movie, Rush Hour 3, and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Again, probably not missing out at all and able to maintain some semblance of sanity by avoiding crap.

Overall, the BMF took in a total of 29 movies last year. That’s 2.41 movies a month, or one every other week for the entire year! Hell, even that’s impressive for BMF. Granted this was the year of the 2007 Summer Blockbuster Movie Contest, where BMF inhaled around 18 flicks in the span of 12 weeks. Nonetheless, that’s a huge number and nearly 61% over last year’s total of 18. Hope you all enjoyed it.

Now, on to the awards!

Stop the Threequel For The Love of Goodness
It’s hard to pick a winner because really, there are no winners in this game of losers. Shrek the Third was a boring, one-note flick. Then there was the third installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, which was a complete mess. I still consider the original flick one of the best, most entertaining films of the decade. Yet, much like the Matrix trilogy, Pirates descended into utter crapness extremely quickly. However, the winner of this loser-fest is Spider-man 3. Yes, even the genius of Sam Raimi could not overcome studio meddling, and the introduction of twenty-million characters did the movie no favors. Yet, it was the emo-Peter Parker, complete with idiotic dance-scene that did this movie in. I like my comic flicks, but only when they don’t pander and descend into stupidity. Sorry Spidey, you lose.

Stunning Abs Award
Nic Cage had the 8 minute abs on display in Ghost Rider. The best part was it was gratuitous in a manner that you would expect. Shirtless after a shower, yes. But only for a couple of seconds. It was like Nic wanted to say, “Look at my abs, I’m over 40 years old dammit!” But then he didn’t want it to be too blatant, so it was only for a couple seconds. No matter what, it was as surprising as seeing Hank Azaria ripped to all HGH-hell in Along Came Polly.

Funniest Movie
Does it go to Knocked Up? Um, hell no. Maybe if the award was for most annoying leads in a flick, that thing would win. How about Superbad? Nope, it was funny, but not the best. And enough with the Judd Apatow, damn. Nope, the dead-on funniest flick was Hot Fuzz, from the guys behind Shaun of the Dead. Hot Fuzz with the British send-up on action-flick clichés, from every Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer flick you can imagine. Yet, it poked fun without resorting to full-blown parody like the stupid Scary Movie/Epic Movie crap we’ve been served up. If you haven’t seen it, rent it and wait for that beautiful climax in the miniature model town. You’ve got Timothy Dalton in the funniest mouth impalement ever and the best in-movie reference ever.

Overrated So Much That It’s Annoying
That would be Juno. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a decent flick. The writing is actually very clever, for the first 10 minutes. But when you have Ellen Page acting like a smart-aleck kid through her entire pregnancy, you feel like shaking the snot out of her. Please, shut it! SHUT IT! It’s a decent flick, but my good god, stop touting it as the greatest reflection of our teenage society. Stop it! STOP IT!

Overrated Honorable Mention
Enchanted anyone? This flick is literally rated higher than The Shawshank Redemption and almost as good as Lord of the Rings. Um, no. Not even close. It’s not even that original. A cartoon-like character stuck in our reality? Wow, so cutting-edge. And no offense to Amy Adams, but um, huh? What was the big deal exactly? Again, this is so overrated its mind-boggling as opposed to annoying.

Worst Movie
Always a fan-favorite category. The simple answer would be something like Transformers. Sure, a billion people saw that flick, but it was one of those movies that make you dumber from watching it. Moving on, something like Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer took its cue from Transformers and raised the bet. Sure, it makes you dumber, but it also pisses you off at the same time. That’s like a two-fer! One of the bright spots in the first film was Johnny Storm’s adolescent humor, which became adolescent assholeness in this one. And when the big villain is a giant cloud, um, dumb movie. However, the award goes to The Golden Compass. It was boring, annoying, and stupid all at once. The controversy with the church, completely removed. The stupidity in the characters, kept intact fully from the novel. And when the best part is listening to a polar bear say he gets drunk regularly, that’s a bad sign. Avoid this flick, well I guess most people did, so, good job society. You chose wisely on this one.

OK, on to the Top Three movies of the year. Ready, here we go:

Number 3: Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street. A musical? Really? Yes, really. For others, this may have been aight, OK, eh. Yet, I was taken by the moody Tim Burton setting in a way that has escaped all his other films. Johnny Depp, seemingly climbing into the pantheon of acting godliness, is excellent as the disturbed Sweeney. And the singing, while never great, actually adds very nicely to the entire flick. If Tim Burton were to have a magnum opus, I might consider this it. He effectively crosses genres and makes paints the musical with his own signature Burtonisms, but does it at a depth and quality that normally escapes him.

Number 2: This is actually a tie between 300 and Hot Fuzz. Fittingly, these flicks came out on DVD on the same day, and I purchased both, the first DVDs I’ve bought in like a year. Both of these flicks fill the much needed entertaining-as-hell category. 300, with its over-the-top testosterone-fest is just a kick in the pants. Not much dialogue or story to get in the way of the chest-thumping. But lots of kick-ass ass-kicking. And Hot Fuzz, funny action at its best. See above for a recap of the hilarity, but check it out it out for yourself as soon as you can.

Number 1: I love Pixar, even if that means I have to forget the Cars exists. And Ratatouille was a great film, no doubt about it. But, even watching The Incredibles this morning reminded me of how awesome Pixar films can be, and Ratatouille didn’t quite make it there.

Nope, it was The Bourne Ultimatum that was the number one flick for BMF this year. In a summer filled with vacuous sequels, threequels, fourquels, and even Harry Potter’s fivequel, this threequel was a super kick in the pants. The first two flicks were always good, but this one presents a more coherent, straight-forward plot. And the spy-vs-spy train station scene is golden. And the shower fight is golden, too. I mean, it’s not a golden shower, I mean, nevermind. This was a fun summer film that gave a very good showing as hard-nosed action. This was the best big-summer ticket of the season and the action continues to set the standard for today’s films. See Casino Royale for reference, as a spy movie trying to be more like the Bourne series. Matt Damon, Jason Bourne, good good stuff.

Year in Review: 2006

By Loc
(for the full version with accompanying visual aides, go here)

Well, we waited a couple weeks into 2007 just to make sure we couldn’t squeak in a couple more flicks from ’06. As is becoming tradition, the Oscar contenders get left off the list because of limited releases/December dates. And while we do see them, they get left off the year in review even in the following year. It’s like an abyss for the best, so sad. For instance, Crash, Brokeback Mountain, Capote, all seen by yours truly, all reviewed, and yet, not included in last year’s or this year’s review. So sad. But, it does leave more room for the big Oscar rundown in a couple months, so yippee! Ok, on with the show.

The stats, cause the stats never lie. Out of the top 150 grossing films of 2006, BMF was present for roughly 20 flicks, one every two-and-a-half weeks. Not too shabby, but a reflection of the crappy flicks once again. I remember last year’s great cinematic crisis, the decline and fall of the movie-going public. Everyone believed it was a result of the horrible flicks being shoved down our throats, and in the year of gloom, BMF witness a whole 18 films. So this year wasn’t much better, but every improvement is something to cling to I guess, whoo hoo.

Of the top 10 grossing films, I caught 5 of them, batting a healthy 50%. The big blockbusters included Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, X-Men: The Last Stand, The Da Vinci Code, Superman Returns, and Casino Royale. Some of the big misses: Ice Age: The Meltdown, Happy Feet, Over the Hedge, and Cars?!? Yes, all CGI animated flicks, but only one is on my list to still see, and that’s Pixar’s offering.

Out of the top 20, we drop below 50%, catching only 9 total films. Stuff like Mission: Impossible III, The Departed, and Borat caught my eye. Dreck like Scary Movie 4 and Failure to Launch, not so much.

Okay, enough stats, on to the awards!

Worse Use of a Hole in the Ground:
So, caper flicks should always have great reveals. With Inside Man, a giant mystery unfolds as Denzel Washington tries to outwit Clive “Deep Voice” Owen. Throughout the bank hold-up, Clive’s team always returns their focus to digging the hole. It’s gotta be important, it’s the frigging hole for crying out loud! Did you finish the hole? Get back to the hole. Dig that hole! And in the end, what is the hole for? A Shawshank tunnel for escape? A way to get past the security defensese? No! It’s a porta-potty!! I sh*t you not, pun definitely intended!!

The Barry Bond Award:
So, um, Daniel Craig might be the first blond Bond. He might be the first ugly Bond, too. But, more importantly, he’s the first BALCO Bond as well. Actually, technically he’s not the first BALCO Bond, cause the would be Barry’s title, right? Oh, low blow to the Giants fans out there. Back to Casino Royale, where Daniel Craig learned how to wear shirts two sizes too small without popping any buttons. Homey, the name is James Bond, not James Bonds, slugger for the Giants.

Best Pseudo-Reality Flick:
You think I’m gonna say Borat? You are wrong, dead wrong. Naked wrestling and nutsac rubbing, not as funny as some people may lead you to believe. So what is the best? You thought I was gonna fall back to Jackass: Number 2, but you’re wrong again! Granted, Jackass Two was friggin awesome, worthy of the sequel mantle. Ah, but the best of the best goes to Al Gore and An Inconvenient Truth. Who ever would have thought a Powerpoint slide show would be so compelling? And, when you see ice caps melting all over the place, it’s quite an eye-opener. Run for Pres, Al, I’ll vote for you!

Punt-kick Your Kid Movie:
Hello Wil Smith and your Pursuit of Happyness, I’m talking to you! So, you think you can just dump your annoying kid on to us and we’d take it. Aww hell no! When asked who his favorite actors were, Wil Smith’s kid said something to the effect, “I like my mom, my dad, and me.” Yep, I’m glad we’ve introduced this kid into our pop consciousness. Remember a couple years ago, I said the best Wil Smith vehicle would be a cement bike on a frozen lake? Well, I’m sure we can find a cement tricycle to go along with it.

Worst Movie of the Year:
Yeah, this is an annual favorite. Who can forget past winners like Bewitched and The Forgotten. Or even runner’s up like Memoirs of a Geisha and Bridget Jones 2, both of which we can thank Katie for encouraging us to watch. This year, we’ve got The Fountain, Darren Aronofsky’s ode to himself. Poor Hugh Jackman, stuck in a bubble traveling with a tree that’s supposed to be Rachel Weisz. Should’ve just popped that damn thing and be done with it. But that wasn’t the worse I saw, nope that title rests firmly with The Holiday. I got a present for Cameron Diaz, and it’s not JT’s gift in a box. It’s a one way ticket to never appearing before my eyes again! Her acting helped bump this flick from unbearable to Worst Movie of the Year! Good job Cameron, why don’t you just get dumped now! Ohhh, that’s a real low blow.

Now, on to the top prizes of the year. Before moving forward, let us review the list from previous years. 2004 gave you Kill Bill: Vol. 2, Shrek 2, and The Incredibles. 2005 checked in with Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and King Kong. King Kong!?! That’s right, King F’in Kong. This is to help dispel the rumors of film snobiness and critic hating. Remember, my word is for the common movie-goer by the common movie-goer. And, my word is right, yeahhh! As Mario would say, hhhere we go:


Number 3:
Jackass: Number 2, there’s nothing better than dumbasses doing stupid things for a laugh. The likeability comes from the fact that these jackasses are doing stuff to amuse themselves. Sure, they come up with insane stunts and bring a camera crew to film it all, but I bet if they were sitting around, they’d come up with stupid crap to torture each other with nonetheless. But seriously, a dude dressed up as the devil getting launched up from a grate in the sidewalk…brilliant!


Number 2:
It’s back to the indie, the little flicks that have weird, quirky characters doing their thing. In Little Miss Sunshine, you’re treated to Steve Carell, Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, and Alan Arkin doing their best to play lowkey. And it’s great fun, a ragtag dysfunctional family trying to get their kid to the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant. Everything works well in this film, and it fits well into the “quiet” little film that has moments of hi-larity. Good stuff.


Number 1:
Can you frigging believe I’m giving this flick the best of the year? The Devil Wears Prada, how sad. Here’s the thing, overall, all the blockbusters this year were disappointing, including Pirates 2 which made more money than everything else combined. And then, if you drop to the other flicks, that stuff was bad too, The Prestige, Snakes on a Plane, yuck. So out of all the mediocrity, The Devil Wears Prada kinda straddles the top of the list, and almost entirely off of Meryl Streep’s performance. She’s gold as the icy, stone-cold boss-woman. Besides that, eh, the movie was OK. I could throw in V for Vendetta in here and be just as satisfied. This was another good movie in the crop of crap. So, I’ll say, take your pick, I really don’t care. If next year produces this type of disappointment, I’ll quit. Dammit.