Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Review by Loc

It’s weird, the first Fantastic Four movie was summarily destroyed by critics. The bad story, bad characters, bad everything, left a very bitter taste in everyone’s mouth. Except me. I actually enjoyed it the first time I saw it. Maybe I was being generous, but I realized the filmmakers weren’t trying to do X-Men or Batman Begins. Nope, they were going for fun, family-action superhero movie. And that’s what you got. Granted, it doesn’t stand up to repeat viewings, but for whatever reason, Fantastic Four earned approval from this guy. Would the sequel receive similar treatment? Quick hit: eh eh!

For those of you who might not be familiar with that onomatopoeia, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer does not, repeat, does not, get the feel good, warm fuzzies it might have hoped for. Why? You name it, it’s bad. Story, very bad. Acting, solidly bad. Pacing and overall movie experience, bad bad.

Let us start with the story. What starts off with a good amount of potential falls flat and lifeless after failing to grow into anything substantial. By now you might have seen the trailer featuring the Human Torch-Silver Surfer chase seen. And that’s a good way to start the action after about 15 minutes. Then you have a mishmash of random stuff, no depth or detail in the looming global threat, limited action, reintroduction and dispatch of Dr. Doom, in essence, everything is just a scratch on the surface. The tragic origin of the Silver Surfer, barely touched. The re-emergence of an imposing Dr. Doom, glossed over. Silver Surfer’s amazing powers and visuals, not nearly enough. And of course, the impending arrival of Galactus, ugh ugh ugh. For those not familiar with the character, Galactus is a near-omnipotent being, standing hundreds of feet in the air, with a grand, purple horned helmet. Sure, it might not translate into a live-action film. But when the character becomes an amorphous, non-talking, entity with barely a presence, it’s a gigantic opportunity missed.

And the acting, while mostly serviceable in the first, truly suffers in the second. First, Johnny Storm has magically transformed from a likeable, charismatic, confident playboy to a complete ass. Smarmy, cocky, non-redeemable ass. Not a good way to portray your fun-loving, likeable young guy. Then you have Jessica Alba. Never a serious threat to an Oscar race, Alba reaches new levels of unbelievable emoting in this flick. Serious, concerned, frustrated, stressed, everything elicits the blank, overacting delivery that’s not at all adorable or fun. The rest of the cast is mostly present and provide neither positive nor negative influence. Andre Braugher does check in as an antagonistic military general and show what a good actor will do, even in the face of a bad script. Braugher brings his intensity and delivers a confrontational, unsympathetic antagonist, more convincing than any other individuals in the flick.

But even with all this, at least it’s only 92 minutes, right? Wrong, because that hour-and-a-half feels like two-and-a-half. As mentioned before, the movie starts off decent enough. There’s a little comedy, a little action, and family squabbling, all works well. Surfer’s introduction is nice and sets the table great. Then, nothing happens. Well, stuff happens, but everything moves in the most superficial way. Silver Surfer is doing bad stuff? Get the military involved. That’s not working? Bring back Dr, Doom. He’s scheming? Make sure the Fantastic Four regroup and band to fight off this threat. Repeat the question and answer pattern for another 50 minutes and you have yourself the whole movie. Too bad they didn’t extend the movie to two hours and treat the material with a little more maturity. Just because you’re making a family-friendly film doesn’t mean you have to simplify things to head-scratching levels. You are allowed to make an intelligent film, the audience will follow along.

Overall, there’s a big chunk of intelligence missing in this flick. It’s not just a typical summer flick, it’s a typically bad summer film. So little substance for all its swagger. When the best thing about this movie are the giant lobby displays in most movie theatres, that’s saying a whole lot. Out of 8 days of impending Galactus-doom, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer only clobbers it way to 4.8 days. Seriously, go take a picture with the Silver Surfer in the lobby, it’ll be more fun.